A Valley News Publication

They done did it, y’all.

You might have heard rumors promising the end of times if officials opened a massive granite sarcophagus that recently was unearthed in Alexandria. Well, the sarcophagus was opened today, because of course it was, and I regret to tell you that nothing too exciting happened.

Despite suspicions that the coffin might contain a deadly curse or the remains of someone quite famous, it appears that all that was inside were three skeletons and some rotting sewage. As the BBC reported:

We found the bones of three people, in what looks like a family burial … Unfortunately the mummies inside were not in the best condition and only the bones remain,” said Mostafa Waziri, secretary-general of the Supreme Council of Antiquities.

Experts believe the three could have been soldiers in the time of the pharaohs. Pretty cool, if not a bit of a letdown. After all, we were promised something ghastly:

Addressing media fears that disturbing the tomb could trigger an implacable Pharaoh’s curse, Mr. Waziri declared: “We’ve opened it and, thank God, the world has not fallen into darkness.

“I was the first to put my whole head inside the sarcophagus… and here I stand before you … I am fine.”

Thanks for taking one for the team, Waziri.

Still, the day was not without some commotion: The smell of the sewage was so repugnant that the site had to be evacuated, the BBC reported.