A Valley News Publication

ICYMI: A roundup of all the things that the internet is talking about

I’ve had a list of topics I’ve been meaning to post about but just haven’t gotten around to on my desk for about a week now, and I realized some of y’all might have missed these things, too, so I’m rounding them up for ya. There are some gems in here, if I do say so myself.

Did I miss something? Tell me in the comments!

 

IHOB is dead, long live IHOP

In a move that is surprising to almost no one, a breakfast joint has changed its name once again.

The restaurant chain previously known as International House of Pancakes, or IHOP, which became the International House of Burgers, or IHOB, for a hot second, now is back to being IHOP. The brand came clean on Twitter on Monday.

Let the record show I called this, as I noted on June 11:

It was not immediately clear on Monday if the name change was permanent, though my money is on it being a fairly temporary push.

IHOP changed its name and honestly I’m not sure if we’re being Punk’d or nah

On Monday morning, the restaurant chain previously known as International House of Pancakes, or IHOP, announced its highly anticipated name change.

Well then.

The name change came after a brief teaser campaign that saw the chain tweeting out hints and using the letter B in blace place of the letter “P” in its social media marketing. The new name is pronounce “Eye-Hobb,” btw.

I, and I think many other people, thought the chain was going to be changing its name to “International House of Breakfast,” or “International House of Brunch,” but nope. It not only went all in on burgers, but it went there and it brought property, y’all. Such a pivot!

The internet largely hated it, but it seemed to yield real results for the company: The Los Angeles Times reported that the buzz around the name change sent parent company Dine Brands Global Inc.’s stock up nearly 3 percent for the day.

It was not immediately clear on Monday if the name change was permanent, though my money is on it being a fairly temporary push.

Meanwhile, fellow chains (and competitors?) Denny’s and Wendy’s took the opportunity to throw some serious Twitter #shade.

The internet is currently fighting over the meaning of IMHO

BuzzFeed on Wednesday decided to ruin lives by asking what the meaning of IMHO was, because apparently its own staff was split. Based on the results, though, very few people know what the H stands for, and this realization is destroying friendships.

IMHO is an abbreviation commonly used on the interwebs as a means of shorthand. Up until today I had been living my life thinking everyone knew the correct meaning of IMHO. (For the record, y’all, it’s definitely humble, not honest. “Honest” is part of TBH, which you probably know if you read here, tbh.)

Alas, I was wrong.

Now, if you read the Valley News, there’s a good chance you already knew the real meaning of IMHO, because Sports Editor Greg Fennell has a column named after it.

This is what the column’s sig (that’s newspaper for branding icon) looks like:

The sig for Valley News Sports Editor Greg Fennell's column IMHO, which stands for In My Humble Opinion.

The sig for Valley News Sports Editor Greg Fennell’s column IMHO, which stands for In My Humble Opinion.

That’s Exhibit A. Here’s Exhibit B:

While Merriam-Webster isn’t the official dictionary we refer to at the VN (we use Webster’s New World College Dictionary), Webster’s doesn’t have a Twitter account, so I can’t include its view here. Still, I’m pretty sure it also would be Team Humble.

Also, don’t let anyone fool you: IMHO is an abbreviation, not an acronym. Acronyms are words formed from the first letter or letters of a series of words. If you aren’t pronouncing it as a word, it’s just an abbreviation. (Example: ASCII, which stands for American Standard Code for Information Interchange, is an acronym because it is pronounced æski. HTML, meanwhile, stands for Hypertext Markup Language, and is pronounced H-T-M-L, which makes it an abbreviation.)

Be honest: Did you know it was humble, not honest? Or do you believe it’s honest, not humble? Let us know!

An impromptu review of some Kidz Bop songs

I was flipping through my car’s satellite radio stations this week as I made my way back to the Upper Valley when I stumbled across a Kidz Bop Kidz cover of Post Malone’s Congratulations ft. Quavo playing on the Spotlight channel.

I don’t know about you, but I had never listened to a full Kidz Bop track. Sure, I’d heard samples and excerpts in those Kidz Bop commercials, but not an entire song.

Y’all, it was a treat.


Actual footage of me realizing it wasn’t a weird mistake and that the channel was, in fact, purposefully playing Kidz Bop songs.

First, if you wanna feel old, think back to when you were a kid watching Nickelodeon and reflect upon the Kidz Bop commercials you’d see during shows. Welp, much like the Now! CDs that somehow continue to pretend iPods don’t exist, the Kidz Bop Kidz have produced a whopping 37 albums. They’re also showing no signs of slowing anytime soon. They are just turning out the SFW bangers.

We probably couldn’t appreciate Kidz Bop at the time because we were children ourselves, but there is something special about the fact that an entire genre of music is devoted solely to cleaning up the most popular songs in the country so that they are lyrically appropriate for the ears of tiny humans. I am personally fascinated by the ways in which the content is changed. (I borderline find it hilarious, but hey, I understand the purpose it serves.)

Anyway, I sat there behind the wheel, grinning like a big dumb idiot, letting the dulcet sounds of prepubescent teens fill my ears. I sang along, natch, and delighted in seeing where the Kidz Bop lyrics differed from the original songs. I was positively gleeful, and from that point on, I barely turned the dial away.

Now, I present to you a review of the Kidz Bop songs I listened to while driving up the highway.

Songs I heard in full (I won’t be reviewing Congratulations because I came in on the tail end of it):

Starving by Hailee Steinfeld
ALL references to kissing and other pleasures of the flesh were obviously nowhere to be found, because these are children and they have cooties, gross! Instead, meaningful glances replace tender kisses and ~other things~. The word “damn” in the phrase “whole damn zoo” was replaced by “the total zoo.” Are the syllables off? Yes, def, but I guess I’ll let it slide because I love this song, even when it is sung by kids. (Also, girl, if his looks are doing things to your heartbeat, you might wanna get that checked out.)
Grade: B+, because I really can’t forgive the syllable switch. Sorry ’bout it. Y’all shoulda just said “dang,” or heck, even “darn.”

Havana by Camila Cabello (track was shortened, likely because they couldn’t find a child-appropriate way to swap out Young Thug’s rap feature)
“That summer day in June” was swapped in for “That summer night in June,” because duh, these are children and they have curfews. Everyone knows the universal sign for “time to go home for dinner” is when the streetlights come on, so there certainly won’t be any chance of meeting dreamy adolescent boys. Also, Cabello’s “And Papa says he’s got malo (“bad” in Spanish) in him” was replaced by “And then he says he’s got love in him,” which totally changes the intent of the song (and the guy being sung about), but OK, sure. We all wish he had love in him, don’t we, girls? *Sigh*
Grade: A-. Shout-out to the singer for totally nailing the high notes!

Gold by Kiiara
“Bodies on the pavement” became “moving on the pavement,” which, what? but it worked, and I get it, because I’m pretty sure it might be a thinly veiled death reference … They also kept the bit about biting the feelings out, which was a bold choice IMO, but it paid off. Plus, they kept the sick beat and the disjointed chorus, so I was into it. (Real talk: I had to look up the actual lyrics, and was shook to learn that she is saying words and not just making sounds, which is how I’ve been singing the chorus for months.)
Grade: A-. Great job making the chorus sound identical to the original, and for teaching me the real lyrics. TY! Also I find “moving on the pavement” genuinely funny, idk why. Sorry not sorry.

Bad at Love by Halsey
Obviously they changed/removed the liquor and drug references and the vulgarity, but to my surprise they also mixed the gender roles the song alludes to. “But he says it in the kitchen with a dinner plate” are the anti-sexist lyrics we didn’t know we needed. 10/10 for empowering young women, yaaaas kween.
Grade: A. He can make his own damn sandwich, that’s why. Also, vocals on point.

FINAL TAKEAWAYS

The Kidz Bop Kidz can sing.
I am v serious. These kids are no joke. They have real singing chops and will probably go on to land record deals and make millions while I continue to toil away at my desk, reviewing their albums. They sound strikingly like the original artists, yet masterfully put their own soft spin on the songs they cover.

Kids apparently love Kidz Bop.
A quick review of their YouTube channel tells me all I need to know: these kids are popular. And kids know what is cool, so therefore, Kidz Bop = cool. (Also um THESE KIDS CAN DANCE, YOU GUYS).